Thankful Thankful.

Last year, Ellie didn't get anything but boring old milk on Thanksgiving. Such are the perils of being a newly borned.

This year, she learned about all of the food groups that she has to be thankful for.

Thankful Eve.

This year, you know what I'm thankful for? Zoloft. Thanksgiving marks a year ago that I realized that what I was going through - the endless sobbing, the feeling like I was hanging on to my sanity by the very edges of my fingernails, the feeling like I was never going to feel "normal" or "okay" again, was not simply "the baby blues." I mean, my daughter was six weeks old. Still a newborn, but my blues were not just hormones gone awry. After my sweet husband and my best friend had mentioned to me several times that maybe, just maybe, it was time to call my doctor and ask for help, I finally did something over Thanksgiving weekend.

It's still funny to me that in modern America, taking anti-depressants is seen as fairly taboo or shameful, but the on-call doctor had no problem calling in a script for me, and when I went and met with my regular OB a few weeks later, he was like, "are you feeling better on the Zoloft? Great! Then call me if you're having problems, but if it's helping you, stay on it," like I had mentioned that I'd been taking a gummy vitamin and seeing improvements in my skin. It was completely no big deal to them.

It was a hard thing for me to admit then, I think because I didn't feel like I had typical post-partum. You hear about celebrities who felt like they weren't bonding with their baby or didn't love their baby - I never felt anything except for overwhelming, soul crushing love for my daughter. I just felt like I couldn't hack it as a mom, even while also knowing that I was doing a pretty good job of caring for a colicky newly borned. And on the medication, I just felt like I wasn't so overwhelmed or on the edge. I could handle a baby who cried all afternoon and ate for three hours straight. I mean, I gritted my teeth at times, but I didn't sob until my face swelled up. Now it's no big deal, and I'm quick to talk about it with my mom friends, especially the new ones. Because I'm not and never was some sort of catatonic zombie who didn't love her baby - I'm a lady who had a couple of risk factors for PPD (thyroid problems, c-section deliver) and who really benefited from a chemical boost for the first few months of my baby's life.

This Thanksgiving? I'm grateful for a million other things as well. For my amazing girl who is walking everywhere. Who laughs and breaks into an enormous smile after you lean in and give her a smooch. Who giggles during diaper changes because she's anticipating a big fat belly raspberry. Who gets out of the shower and does a happy buns on parade dance around our master bedroom. Who is so snuggly and sweet after her naps. I'm so glad I get to be her mom, and that she put up with me when I wasn't at my best, and who is teaching me every day how to be the best mommy I can for her.

I adore her so.

Another couple of busy days, not just for Ellie, but for Tim and I. Sunday night we had one of the MOST fun dates we've gone on since becoming parents. A big group of us went up to a great Italian place in LA for dinner, and since there were 7 of us, and since it was going to involve two cars carpooling, and since it would be more fun to all go together, and since it didn't really seem fair to make Jake rent a van and drive us... WE RENTED A LIMO!

And it was amazing. I have only been inside a limo once before, and it was stationary. Which is not the same as piling in the back with a bunch of friends, opening a bottle of bubbly and enjoying the hour drive.

Our meal was great! The restaurant, Vito, is very old school - dark wood, waiters in tuxedos, classic Italian fare. They make their own caesar salad at the table, which is amazing. Our waiter was very similar to Agador Spartacus in the movie "The Birdcage," which made me giggle every time he came by. Or maybe that was the champagne talking... But either way, the food was good and the company was great. Tim and I have had some nice dates in the past year, but it was so fun to be out with grown up friends, having a grown up night (and jokingly hissing "stop it, this is a grown up dinner!" when people got rowdy at the table.)

And look, Tim and I even cleaned up special! I wore my best fake eyelashes.


But who cares about us - look at this cute little nugget!
Man, the walking? She is all about the walking at all times. It cracks me up because while she's a little less Frankensteiny, she's still not 100% smooth. I definitely understand the idea of the pitter patter of little feet, because she's no twinkle toes. She's gotten better about wearing her shoes though, so that's a plus. Her favorite thing to play with lately is the picture magnets on our fridge, and any electronics she can get her hands on. And of course, cat chasing. Her best walking is done in pursuit of a cat who wants nothing to do with her and her grabby hands.

Week in Review.

Tim hassled me last night for the lack of blargh updates this week - it's been a busy one! Which sadly leaves him no new pictures or video to look at when he has down time at work.

Because of our schedule, we moved swimming to Monday morning. Now that Ellie is a real person with thoughts and feelings, she's gotten a little ornery about her lessons. She still LOVES being in the water and playing with the toys and splashing around, but she doesn't like when the instructor makes her work. There's a lot of yelling during back floating now, but Mr. Shane just holds her there until she gives in and does what she's supposed to do. I joke that he's working her like a show pony. He asked me if she's pretty independent, and I said no, but she's definitely willful. She'll come back around.

Tuesday we weren't at swimming because we were at Granny Janny's surprise 70th birthday party, thrown for her by the other Gardening Angels. She was completely surprised, and it was a great party. Jackie made a big cake and they actually lit 70 candles (and Jan actually blew out about 65 of them on the first try.) All of the Angels seem to enjoy having a small Ellie Bean running around, and Ellie very confidently walking between the ladies that she loves and recognizes.

Wednesday was a play date day! We spent most of the afternoon with Christine and her daughter Carina, who is a few months younger than Ellie. Took the girls to the park, hung out and played with all Carina's awesome toys, ate some Cheerios together - what more could you want if you were a small baby?

Thursday was adult play date time. We headed up to LA for lunch with my former coworker girlfriends, Ingrid and Emily. Emily was bringing her almost three month old son Liam to the office for the first time, and Ellie made a repeat appearance. We grabbed lunch and Ellie wandered around the office, impressing people with her walking skills. Most of my former team is now gone, which was a little sad, but I guess time marches on. We still saw a lot of our favorite people, and Elizabeth was delighted with Liam. She thankfully napped on both parts of the drive, which I always appreciate. I must say though, there's nothing cuter than watching her in the rearview mirror when she obeys commands from me - kissing her baby, hugging her baby, making weird noises with her mouth in response to me. I always crack up when she's being quiet and I think she's asleep, but she's only quiet because she has a foot in her mouth.

Thursday night was also big fun, with a fundraising dinner for the Glennwood Foundation, which facilitates Sara's youth group "club" on Monday nights. Once again, Ellie was a hit, wandering around in her little shoes, cramming parts of other people's dinner into her piehole at an alarming rate. I wonder if she's going through a growth spurt, as she seems to be a bit of a bottomless pit when it comes to dinner time lately, and then a half hour after eating she's ravenous to nurse for another 40 minutes before going to bed.

Friday was mommy class, which we always love, and lunch afterwards, where Ellie and Lexi pushed a tray back and forth across the table to each other and laughed like loons. They are so funny, feeding each other Cheerios and stealing each other's sippy cups. The little germ farms. And then we had dinner with Grams and Gramps, and John, who is in town for Thanksgiving. Things are a lot different now - last time he saw Ellie she was in her "screaming all the time" phase. She is quite pleasant now.

In between all of the events, we've done our usual - hanging out, reading books. She loves pushing her Cozy Coupe around the house, or moving the coffee table in the pretty room. Her other favorite thing to do is pull her picture magnets off the fridge and walk around with pictures of cute babies clutched in her hands. The walking is full time now - she only crawls if she falls and is in a rush to get somewhere. Otherwise, she pushes that big booty back up in the air and takes off with her little Frankenstein walk.

Unsurprisingly, Grams made her wear a flower as a hat.

Here she is, bothering Granny Janny and attempting to steal her presents.

Meow.

Cat lady cat lady, make me a match

Find me a feline

Catch me a cat!

(Yes, she is head butting Rocket. She just wants to be friends! For those who don't know, Rocket is Rocky's mom! Can you believe such a big fat cat came from such an itty bitty lady cat?)

Playground.

Took my little farty to the park this afternoon. She was, as you can see, delighted to play on the swings, and walked all over the toddler part of the playground equipment in her new shoes. She was also a fan of the slide, and the stairs to get up to the slide. Also, she was able to hoot lovingly at some dogs that walked by.



She is my favorite, that kid.

Elizabeth and Friends.

I feel so lucky to have found a great group of moms to help me survive the first year of motherhood, because this stuff is tough. Advice from the older generation is great, but can sometimes be a bit outdated, or clouded by the ensuing 30 years. It's nice to have moms who are down in the trenches, surviving each stage along side you, so when you email freaking out about the amount of drool streaming down your child's face, someone else says "yeah, we had that last week, and now we have a tooth." Oh... a TOOTH! I hadn't thought of that in my sleep deprived haze.

At first, our "playdates" were all about the moms - in a perfect outing, all the babies stayed asleep in their bucket seats. But now they're all toddlers, and it's so fun to see them interact with one another.

Ellie (on the left) and her friend Clare, out for a morning walk.

Here Ellie and Clare are at Friday's play date. Ellie is telling Clare secrets of walking (Clare is 10 months.)

Ellie and her buddy Jonathan (just turned 1!) and all of the books, which ended up on the floor.

"Hey you guys, check out my sweet ride! Yeah, my grandparents gave it to me, they're pretty generous. My parents are still making me pay for gas though."